I’m not sure if it was a week after my thyroid surgery when my husband was keeled over in pain from a 3 month long kidney stone issue or if it was after his foot surgery when I was pushing him around the cancer clinic to get to my appointments with my specialist…. or if it was last night when I was about to get my daughter out of her carseat when I collapsed because my knee cracked, snapped and popped without any warning causing me to fall to the ground with my kids looking at me with concern and curiosity.
Our life is starting to feel like a really bad Seinfeld episode. Last night, I laughed and cried when Tony had to carry our daughter up a steep flight of stairs on his knees because he can’t have any weight on it for another two weeks and got her to sleep while I iced and elevated my knee. Our friend Lisa came to the rescue with an ice pack, a few pillows, another set of crutches for me, and a vacuum to help us clean up Ada’s goldfish fiasco while I sat by and became mesmerized by the efficiency of her fancy vacuum cleaning up my kids’ mess in our temporary home.
Humility and brokenness are a funny thing. They aren’t wanted… at least not through the ways in which they usually come. I don’t think anyone wakes up one morning and says: “I want to be completely broken today and be dependent on everyone else for everything.” Or says, “I know, how about my husband and I both are on crutches with two young kids?!” I’ll be honest, I’m kind of tired of us. So I wouldn’t be surprised if others are too. But hey, there’s nothing to do at this point then look to our Creator and King for His amazing and sustaining grace. There’s nothing to do but look to God to solidify that our identities do not come in our independence, our strength, or our successes but they come from His love that breathed life into our bones and placed His spirit in our hearts. We truly don’t want pity or anyone feeling sorry for us — we are so richly blessed with a beautiful family, a deep sense of calling and fulfillment from our work and the opportunity to pursue that calling, a community who loves us and carries us through these kinds of seasons, and a marriage that is committed to persevering through the hard of parenting littles. So please please please, don’t read this and feel bad for us. We are good. I promise. I’m mostly laughing, not crying.
“And Nehemiah, who was the governor, and Ezra the priest and scribe, and the Levites who taught the people said to all the people, “This day is holy to the LORD your God; do not mourn or weep.” For all the people wept as they heard the words of the Law. Then he said to them, “Go your way. Eat the fat and drink sweet wine and send portions to anyone who has nothing ready, for this day is holy to our Lord. And do not be grieved, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.” So the Levites calmed all the people, saying, “Be quiet, for this day is holy; do not be grieved.” And all the people went their way to eat and drink and to send portions and to make great rejoicing, because they had understood the words that were declared to them..” -Nehemiah 8:9-12.
As I type, a God-loving, beautiful 12 year old Kaylyn, with a servant heart, is engaging our kids in a fun morning of imaginative play so that I can elevate and ice my knee and my husband can hobble around on crutches getting stuff done. Our friend is dropping off some delicious soup for tonight. We have had some unexpected, unbelievable, sometimes anonymous, support from people to help with our growing pile of medical bills. We have a place to stay for this season while we recover from the past three surgeries and 5 months of medical shenanigans.
This morning, I received a text from my dear friend Kathy that said: “This is the day which the Lord has made; Let us rejoice and be glad in it.” Psalm 118:24.
And I am so glad in this day. It is truly a gift… brokenness, crutches, and all. Where have you felt broken lately? Where have you seen God pour out rich blessings in your life even when everything seems to be falling apart? I’m hoping God will continue to give me a sense of humor and deep joy in this season because it’s in the comforting hugs from my children, the amazing and patient support of our family and friends, the truth of God’s word, the care of my husband, and the sun shining that I can rejoice and be glad in this day. May you purposely look for reasons to rejoice today and you may be surprised, like I am, in all the beauty that’s waiting to be discovered.